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CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE SACRAMENTS OF MARRIAGE
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE SACRAMENTS OF MARRIAGE
Introduction
In this section I
am trying to look at the Christian concept of marriage as
expressed through the Traditions and Liturgy that is handed down
to us through generations in the Mar Thoma churches of Malabar .
Traditions described here vary from place to place and from
community to community in details. However the basic expressions
are similar.
Image of God - Male
and Female
Before we go into
the liturgy I would like to look back into the concept of man.
Only then will we be able to understand the full implication of
the liturgy. Genesis 1:27
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he
created him; male and female he created them.
Three times in the
Bible, this verse is repeated- twice in the creation story and
once by our Lord himself. Notice that the sentence is complete
without the last addition "male and female created he them".
Evidently God was giving a very important detail in adding this
part. Neither man alone nor woman alone is an image of God.
God's image is complete only in the combined male and female. But
we don't see Eve in the picture until later. Adam means mankind
and he was both male and female together until God separated Eve
out of Adam. The reason for this separation was that Adam could
not find any fellowship with any other creatures. So God decided
to separate Adam into male and female. This again is typical of
the image of God. A monistic God is a Nirguna Brahman - without
properties, without qualities. He is a totality within
himself and complete within himself. A Nirguna Brahman do not
create because He has no purposes beyond Himself. Thus only in the
form of a Saguna Brahman (God with properties) as a Trinity we
realize a creative personal Godhead. Properties are after all
defined only in terms of relations. This is probably what God
meant when he declared to Moses "I am that I am" Yet God is not
an inert inactive God. He enters into relationships and has a
personality and a character. This is possible only if God himself
is a family - a composite being. One God, but three persons. As
Saguna Brahman he can be experienced.
What then is the
ultimate reality? What is the relation within the Godhead of
Trinity? Love is the root of this relation. So we are told in
one word "God is Love."
Most people
including the Islam have difficulty in understanding Trinity. But
the essential point is that if God has to exist and is made known
and understood, he cannot be a self existent monistic God. If has
to be pluralism. Trinitarian theology is supported by the Bible in
its usage of plurals in defining God. A pluralistic God consisting
of separate persons in one Godhead cannot exist in a fallen
nature. The fallen nature relies on independence and selfishness.
There is competition and self-glorification within the fallen
godhead. This is what is reflected in the Roman gods and the Hindu
gods and the gods of all ancient religions. It is not selfishness,
self-glorification nor competition but love that make the relation
between persons within the True Godhead. It is this image that we
humans wear. When the Bible repeats three times "God created man
in his own image - male and female created he them." It is these
profound relationships that it emphasizes. Out of the three
occurrences - twice the following conjunction is seen.
Gen 2:24 For this
reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his
wife and they will become one flesh.
This was at the
time of separation of female principle from Adam. This is
considered by the church as the first marriage occasion where God
announces the intent of marriage. What God announces here is that
even though Adam and Eve were two persons they were to be one in
spirit and flesh. In this sense they represented the concept of
one in many of the God.
Jesus himself
reiterated this idea when he was asked about the law of divorce.
Mat 19: 4-6 (also
Mark 10:5-7) "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the
beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no
longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let
man not separate."
The idea here seems
to be that the image of God is not complete in either man or woman
but in the marriage. That does not mean they cannot act
independently. They can and well within God's plan as the persons
within the Trinity act independently. But marriage is indeed the
ultimate fulfillment of the image of God in man.
The process of
marriage and union is given a threefold step: Leave, Cleave,
Become one flesh. The family is a closed unit within itself. It is
sacrosanct and have the first priority. In the list of priority it
comes just after God. Everything else is subordinate to it. Why
because it reflects the image of God.
The only image of
God on earth as a true picture is the loving unit of family. When
the image was broken God took all the pain to redeem it through
the cross. When a marriage is broken, when the family is
fragmented; we are breaking the image of God. We are making the
image of God into an image of base gods - images not only the
creatures but also of the fallen creatures. This is what the Bible
define as idol worship.
Rom 1:21 - 28 For
although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave
thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish
hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they
became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for
images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and
reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of
their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies
with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and
worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator -- who
is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to
shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for
unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural
relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another.
Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in
themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Furthermore,
since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of
God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to
be done.
All perversions of
sex are idol worship and God hates them.
Mal 2:16 "I hate
divorce," says the Lord.
The Eastern Church
tradition is vastly different from the western tradition in that
the liturgy and ceremony reflects this aspect more clearly. There
are no "I will" or "I do" in this ceremony. This is because
Eastern Church do not see marriage as a contract between two
individuals. Within the marriage individuals cease to exist
independently. To maintain the integrity and remain faithful is no
more an option. It is a command from the Lord. This is a covenant
between God and two people who becomes the image of God. God has
everything at stake here. So do the Church of God.
There is no
exchange of rings between the couple. The Priest as a
representative of God places the ring on the fingers of the
couple. Marriage is an election. God has chosen these two people
to be his image on earth. This new family, the beginning of the
image of God is elected to be the molecule of the fabric the
church of God - the congregation of the redeemed - the body of
Christ,
Divorce and
perversions in sex - homosexuality, lesbianism and idol worship
are simply distortions of God's image and breaking up of the body
of Christ. This brings with it , its own punishment.
1 Cor. 3: 16 - 18
Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's
Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will
destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.
Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by
the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he
may become wise.
The marriage
therefore is a sacrament and a covenant between the sovereign god
and unworthy humans elected by grace to be partakers of the
divine.
The Blessing of the
Ring
The actual liturgy
consists of two parts. The first part is the Blessing of the Ring
which is the betrothal ceremony
In this ceremony
alternating with the actual betrothal ceremony of the two
individuals involved is the picture of marriage of Jesus and the
Church. This picture is interwoven with the ceremony that at some
point in the liturgy, you will actually wonder what exactly is
going on. The two couples who are getting married in that altar
are lost and the liturgy goes on with the adoration of Christ as
the bridegroom of the Church. In reply Jesus himself sing of the
beauty of the daughter of the Gentiles - the Church of the Gentile
world. In a sense these two are identical, because the union of
two individuals is the nucleus of the Church itself. The
comparison goes far beyond the external parabole. Jesus came to
the earth and he selected a daughter of the gentiles as his bride.
He fell in love with her. He paid the price of redemption by his
blood on the cross of calvary. He then paid the dowry guarantee
with the giving of the Holy Spirit. This is the guarantee that
Jesus will come again to take his bride the church.
On the occasion of
his ascension Jesus said, "I am going to prepare a place for you.
When it is ready I will come back and take you with me, so that we
can be together for ever. He has given a guarantee of his promise
in the giving of the Holy Spirit. Just a s Eliazar took every pain
to bring Rebecca to Isaac, so will the Holy Spirit take care of
the bride in the long journey through the desert of the world.
If you want to
have a truly successful marriage, don't approach that young
woman or man who is unable to leave his or her parents.
Excerpts from
Part 1
BLESSING OF THE RINGS
(Betrothal Ceremony)
..P: O Lord Messiah, heavenly bridegroom, You have chosen the
daughter of the Gentiles as Your Church and cleansed her from
all defilement and transgression by Your Innocent and Holy
Blood. You offered Yourself as the Bridegroom and betrothed for
yourself to the earthly Church, having redeemed her from the
bondage of all unclean spirits and set her free from all debts
and sins. As we bless these rings for Your servants, {Names
of the bridegroom and the bride), we acknowledge that You
are worthy of praise and honor and worship, now and all the days
of our life.
P. Oh. true Bridegroom, to whom all the chaste and clean souls
have been betrothed we stand before your greatness as weak
beings. These your children who are betrothed may be able to
produce sweet and acceptable perfume which are their good works
through our intercession. We pray that You will strengthen them
to have true love, reconciliation, peace and unity so that they
may not be separated Strengthen them so that they may live in
holiness in spirit and in body. We praise You and glorify Your
mighty name.
.
The Crowning
Ceremony
The second part is
the wedding ceremony We see that there is a break between the
blessing of the Ring - the betrothal and the Crowning ceremony.
This Period between the first coming and the second coming is the
Church Age. This is the period of grace when the bride of Christ
is being prepared. The church will have to grow in maturity and in
virtue. The Church will grow in number. This gap represents the
gap between the period of ascension of Jesus and to his glorious
second coming. The second part of this service represents this
glorious expectation. This part is called the crowning ceremony.
Why is it so called? It is a representation when the church is
crowned as the wife of Jesus in glory - when she is presented to
the father and takes her place at the right hand of Jesus. The
trumpet will peel, the thunder will roar and there will be music
for those who are ready. Behold the bride of the lamb is ready and
the marriage of the lamb has come. She will be crowned and will
sit beside Him as partners to his divinity. The marriage is a fore
taste of this unity that the church will experience.
1 Cor. 2:9 No eye
has seen, nor the ear heard, no mind conceived what God has
prepared for those who love him
What a foretaste of
glory.
In other parts of
the Eastern world an actual crown is used in the ceremony and
placed on the heads of the couple. But in the Malankara tradition,
a real crown is not used. Instead a chain with a cross is used and
moved around the head as a crown. This crown comes down from
heaven to adorn the bride and the bride groom. Marriage is a great
honor and an invitation to be a representative of God himself on
the earth. But it is also a covenant of the cross. It is a
sacrifice of the self in the two individuals so that God may be
reflected to the rest of the world. It is a commitment to the
redemption of the rest of the world - another attempt of God to
redeem the world from its decay and death.
The actual marriage
ceremony is called the crowning ceremony. This declares the taking
up of the Church to be His wife into glory so that the Church may
reign with Jesus. As a part of the church and the image of the
coming reign of Christ and Church on the earth, a crown is placed
on the head of the bridegroom and the bride. Most Eastern churches
places a real crown. In the Malabar Church the crown is replaced
by a chain with a cross, symbolizing that this union is a union of
suffering with Christ that we may reign with Him when He appears
Saint Basil
the Great says, it is natural to marry, but it must be more than
natural; it must be a yoke, borne by two people under the
Church.
Excerpts from
Part II
CROWNING
CEREMONY
SERVICE OF THE
HOLY MATRIMONY
..P. Chant (Jathyin Puthree) Holy Church daughter of the
Gentiles, how beautiful you are. Solomon sang of you thus: Your
lips drip with honey and the smell of your garments is like
perfume of roses in the summer. O Church, you are beautiful and
without blemish. The Messiah, the King, defends you because you
adore his Cross
P. O daughter of the Gentiles, how beautiful you are! You are
like the sun which gives light to the whole world. The sign of
the cross is on your forehead. With your holy mouth you sing
praises. Your lips are stained with the Blood of the Son of God.
Day and night your children praise him.
..
Overshadow them with Your right hand of blessing. Make us happy
in Your heavenly bridal chamber. Make us worthy of the marriage
feast promised to Your saints who love You and keep Your
commandments. Make us worthy to stand at Your right hand along
with them, to see your grace and to offer praise and glory to
you for ever more
.
You are my husband, O Glorious One who established the Garden of
Eden, and caused the pleasant breeze to blow on me. Lord, I am
the bride, Your wife betrothed in Your name. O bridegroom of
truth and righteousness, have mercy upon me, for I take my
refuge in You alone. My dowry you have paid with your Cross. You
set me free by Your suffering, and have prepared a bridal
chamber for me on high. You have called me to be Yours. Thieves
attacked me and sought to spoil me of m y beauty, but by your
love, my lover came then and freed me from slavery.
The Malankara Tradidtion of Cross in Crowning Ceremony
The Minnu
Minnu is a small tali in the form of a small gold leaf on which
a cross is made with seven tiny gold balls. Traditionally the
tali is the symbol worn by all married women. Tali is therefore
taken from the local communal practices and sanctified as a
Christian symbol. This sign is worn by the wife all through her
life even unto the grave emphasizing the permanency of the
marriage till death. It is traditionally strung on a simple
thread of seven strands taken from the wedding sari by the
brother-in-law of the groom or a close relative
The Thali as a symbol of a married woman is prevalent all
through India. The Syrian Christians have also accepted the
cultural norm. This symbol on the neck tells the world that
this particular person is not open to porposal. The Minnu has
always been considered sacred both by the Hindus and the
Christians. Violation of the Minnu is adultery. Traditionally
the shape of the minnu is in the form of the Peepul tree leaf.
When the Church was formed early in the first century they have
kept the cultural traditions with little modifications. They
have placed a cross on the leaf form. Leaf itself was made
elongated that it has very little resemblance to the leaf.
Instead it looks more like a man (with the hook forming the
head. The picture above is inexact in that the hook is
perpendicular to the place of the leaf) with a cross in his
heart. It is a symbol of the perfected man in marriage. The
cross is at the center of it. The cross itself is made out of
seven small spheres.
The minnu was put on a string made of seven strands of thread
taken from the Mantra Kodi the wedding cloth by the brother-
in-law of the groom. Seven evidently symbolizes the seventh day
of Sabbath the day of rest. It looks forward to the marriage
ceremony of the Lamb when the Church enters its rest to be with
the coming Chris and enters into the joys of the heavenlies.
The tying of the minnu is traditionally done in the Brahmin
community by the sister of the groom symbolizing the reception
of the woman into household. Among the Christians it is done by
the groom himself in the presence of the Priest and the
witnesses (the Church). The knot is to be a reef knot - a knot
that is almost impossible to unknot. Marriage is a once and for
all commitment and the two are signing this covenant in this
act. The Priest holds the minnu in his hands and gives the two
ends of the strings to the groom who ties the knot. In the
olden days the Priest will inspect the knot to make sure it is a
reef knot
The Mantra Kodi
(the mystery cloth)
Kodi means new cloth. Mantra means mystical. The covering of
the bride from the head with a new Cloth is in contrast with the
Brahminic tradition. In the Brahminic tradition this cloth is
given in the hand of the bride as a symbol of the promise that
he will provide for her. In the Christian custom it is put over
the head as a covering. This brings in the imagery of bringing
the bride into the tabernacle. It reminds of the verse
Gen 24:67 Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah,
and he married Rebecca. So she became his wife, and he loved
her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.
It symbolizes the formation of the family and the mystery of
marriage.
At the end of the ceremony not only there is an exhortation to
the newly wed, but also to the rest of the community of
believers. The ceremony ends and the festivities begin.
